I am going to write about it here not because I am a coward nor am I a backstabber. I decided to write and talk about it here because my tone and my facial expression won’t mislead what I am about to say.
(I usually come across as rude or angry when I am explaining things in person. You might think, “well, maybe you are really rude and/or angry, I mean action does speak louder than words”. And my response to that is No. Whatever.)
I am writing it here because I can’t explain myself well in person. I just can’t. I am just the worst explanator. Period. Anyway. And I am going to write it in the English language because I don’t have a wide vocabulary and that will control me. (I don’t even know if I am still making any sense. yeh. whatever.)
So what is up? Well, it’s summer. And summer means out-of-town trips. Travel. Let’s go here and there. Hang out. Which basically means expenses. My point is I can’t just go out of our house and have fun. That does not mean I don’t want to hang out. That does not mean I don’t like my friends. And that does not mean I am not a true friend and I’ll just forget and drop years of friendship. No. That’s not it. I can’t go out because I can’t afford it. No. I can’t ask money from my parents/sister/relatives. Not because I am embarrassed. I don’t ask for money because there are much more important things to spend on. And spending money for my pleasure is just too selfish.
Why can’t some people understand that one simple fact? I have no money. I’m broke at the time being. Do I have to tell it over and over again? So please stop getting upset when I, almost always, don’t join the group for a great summer escapade.
On the lighter side of things, I do appreciate the invitations. It means you remember me and you want to spend some time. And that is a good thing. I’ll just focus on that.